1. 3 years ago 

    retrain your brain.

    Hand tapped with bamboo and chisel. Took almos...Image via Wikipedia

    now that im essentially dating my ex, i am trying to figure out how best to go about this without navigating it or swaying the outcome.

    ok obviously i want him to put a ring on it. give me babies, FIVE of them (tatum, maisie, atherton, sebastian and aidan) and i want us to live in a big ranch style house with a barn and a road you need to drive up in order to reach our property.

    but there’s all this shit in the way…life, work, opportunity, travel, challenges.

    then there is distraction…

    do i recommit to someone who has broken my heart?

    will he recommit to me - or is he over that?

    are we even meant to be? or just addicted to one another.

    what cannot be dismissed is our love for one another. it exists, in every single laugh and joke that doesn’t get old. the banter, the wit and the chemistry. it just exudes, he holds me tight and kisses my forehead and his favorite place, the nape of my neck and i just melt. he takes care and time. he enjoys my cooking and when i cook for him, i shock myself at how good it tastes. putting love into it, putting love into everything aspect of an outing with him. we are gentle, we take care and we do this well but what happens if this just disappates again?

    fuck i dont think i can do that again. so now what, date others? we haven’t talked about it…i dont want to bring it up.

    basically, i vow to treat him brand new but used and familiar and take it VERY slow.

    but he’s putting a ring on it. he doesn’t know it but he is. i have put in work w/ his ass, and he’s gonna show me the “money” and in this case the money is a diamond on my finger that tells everyone, this cute, shy, hard working, sensitive, passionate and well traveled white boy is all mine.

    i put hair on his chest, the least i can expect is to spend the rest of my life with someone i am just simply in love with.

    i am taking him into consideration, letting him make decisions and feel ok about them w/o my persuading…im good at that. but im NOT do i

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my life.
as told.
by me.
real time.
 
 

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